she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
