addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
