Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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