$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
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My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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