I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
not ubering you a puppy
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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