thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
