You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
