I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
