I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
