you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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