Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
