I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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