Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just google imaged poop.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
