Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
