hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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