You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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