Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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