You smell like a Billy Joel song
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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