my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
