do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
