Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
