Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
