She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
