You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
