I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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