That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
