i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
