Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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