woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
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