I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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