Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
