Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
