I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
