Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
