Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
