dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
