So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
