it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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