I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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