There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
