Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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