So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
