Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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