Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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