What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
