I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
