come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
