I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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