Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
