mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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