You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
