i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
