I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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