I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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