Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
