So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
