it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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