how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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