you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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