he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
