Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
