I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
