You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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